In the year 2000 - Volume 1

Here are some of my favorite predictions of the year 2000 by comic genius Conan O'Brien.
Feel free to add your favorites!


Conan: Tonight, we're going to look ahead into the future.
Andy: The future, Conan?
Conan: Yes, the future. All the way to the year 2000.
La Bamba: In the year 2000....



The original--Andy Richter

• "A rolling stone will actually gather moss, when Kieth Richards passes out in a garden supply store."
  
• "Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael II will write a memoir in which he wistfully recalls that one glorious moment on the balcony when he nearly escaped."
• "Chemists will discover what makes simple sugars simple. Their parents were brother and sister."
• "On Christmas Eve, Michael Jackson will be visited by a ghost who takes him on a journey to christmas past. Unfortunately, Jackson will use the trip as an excuse to fondle himself as a child!"

The Alec Baldwin Edition

• After getting more in touch with his feminine side, Mr. T will open a hair salon called, "I Pretty the Fool."
• Kirstie Alley will call a press conference to announce that she's full, then say "psych," and eat six reporters.

The Snoop Dogg Edition

• "The WB will air a hip hop version of the Bachelorette; it will be called, 'The Beotchelorette'."
• "Ruben Studdard will lose 200 pounds when he misplaces his 200 pound bag of bacon."

The Jimmy Fallon Edition

• "King Kong will confess that he is merely a figurehead. The true power lies with Prime Minister Kong."
• "Wall Street will take a severe beating when Star Jones includes it in her jogging route."

The Jim Carrey Edition

• "The answer to the question 'is there life after death' will finally be answered when the corpse of Winston Churchill holds a press conference and says 'no'."
• "Jim Carrey will commit his first murder of a fan after someone who just saw Bruce Almighty approaches Carrey and says 'Almighty then!"

The Jeff Goldblum Edition

• "Players will play, but umpires will strike leaving baseball games up to the honor system. While cheating rampantly, the Mets will still lose 100 games."
• "Bandits will attack Queen Elizabeth. To save her life she will have to call on the knights sworn to defend her-Elton John, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney."

The Ben Stiller Edition

• "Pete Rose goes on national television to admit for the first time that he bet on the Reds. Not the Cincinnati Reds, he bet that the Soviets would win the Cold War."
• "Taking a cue from George Foreman, Al Sharpton will develop his own grill that actually shames and bullies the food into getting more brown."

The Mr. T Edition

• "I, Mr. T, will reveal that I do not have a mohawk haircut, I just went bald on both sides of my head."
• "Animal experts will discover that the reason mountain goats live in the mountains is that they can get drunk faster."
• "The guy who played Carmine on "Laverne and Shirley" will look into a mirror and know he looks familiar -- but not know from where."
• "Gas prices will get so high, they'll start hanging out with Snoop Dog."
• "Mr. T has a son that he names after himself. To avoid confusion the boy is known as Mr. Lowercase T." (LOL This one has gotta be my favorite!!!)
• "Conan O' Brien will be pitied--not by me as a fool--but by fools as a superfool."